“Bitch, please!” Buddha

Allow me to introduce the newest resident of my psyche, “Bitch, please!”Buddha.

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Yes, my brain is oft like J.J. Walker’s apartment building on Good Times…overflowing with a cast of colorful characters, an abundance of sarcasm, and the sporadic eruption of studio dubbed laughter & applause.

Tody I introduce the newest resident, “Bitch, please!” Buddha. Hereto after referred to as BPB.. Not to be confused with B.M.B.B., “Bowel Movement Bobby Brown. Also known as, ‘The Turd Whisper’…..flooding my cranial cavity with self-deprecating rhetoric.

Alas, I digress!

B.P.B. has undergone his hazing (All I know is it involved an order of onion rings from the Varsity, two paperclips, a Magnum condom, and a bottle rocket.), and is now a fully vested resident of Sarcastiphrenia….Aka my brain!

What purpose does” Bitch, please!!” Buddha serve on this planet? He is the deity who combats the ceaseless” Social Media Sages”….you know what I’m talking about! We all have them on our lists!

These” Social Media Sages” are those who try to spill profound rhetoric all over the halls of social media. They have the divine beattitudes that they are convinced must have been showered down upon them because they are just so spiritually evolved and enlightened by their sanctified journey thru this dark world……

Yet, you know them You know they are as nutty as Larry the Cable Guy’s turds after a fifty gallon vat of hot boiled peanuts. They are the ones that make you aware of the fact dogs MUST be more intelligent than humans because a dog would have sensed this creature was too screwed up at birth and eaten that fool upon birth.

Generally one can spot these Sage’s by their hypocrisy riddled posts.

“Oh, I only allow non-GMO, cruelty free, organic food to cross my lips! In fact, my salad is so pure, Jesus himself shat it out of his undefiled ass…”

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Yeah…..until you are spotted hauling a bucket of KFC,  taco box from Taco Bell, and a bag of Big Macs from your car to your kitchen.

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And we’ve all seen those Sage’s who live like the Devil 6 days a week and then spend their Sabbath plastering social media with memes, quotes, scriptures, etc. They re usually the ones spouting off on how homosexuality is of the Devil and the Bible says it’s wrong…..

Ummm, ok sweethearts but let’s talk about allllll that other shit your Bible condemns, yet you are the poster child for!!

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If you just HAVE to pray for my soul, here’s a suggestion:

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And we cannot leave out…..THOSE fools. The ones who try to come across as humble, yet constantly want to talk up any and every action that could possibly redeem them in the world’s eyes…..

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“Bitch, please!!” Buddha would like me to remind humanity, if you have to repeatedly TELL the world just how fabulous you are……then you aren’t!

Don’t be that person who calls another female a ho! Not when your six children receive child support checks from six different daddies! Nobody forgot THAT tidbit but you!

Don’t be that fool spouting off about how you hate drama, yet you feature more of it than a Real Housewives marathon.

Hypocrisy is an ugly thing!! We are all guilty of it at times, but when that shit is your first, most fluent language, you need to take action!!

If you do not, then be forewarned that” Bitch, please!!” Buddha will be watching, waiting……And Ohhhh doesn’t B.P.B. offer out some life changing tidbits!

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